[Amy]

Post your favorites here.

There was this quiet, conservative man who happened to own a parrot. Unfortunately for the man, this parrot swore like a sailor. He would swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. This bird's foul mouth was driving the man crazy. One day, it just got to be too much.

The guy grabbed the bird by the neck, shook him really hard, and yelled "QUIT IT!" But this just made the bird mad and he would start swearing even more.

The guy finally got fed up and said, "OK for you" and locked the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This only aggravated the parrot who contined to claw and scratch the cabinet while he cursed even louder than before with a stream of swearing that would make a sailor blush.

At that point the guy became so mad that he threw the parrot into the freezer!

For the first few seconds the bird started swearing at words at the top of his lungs

He kicked and clawed and thrashed all about the place. Then it suddenly became VERY quiet. At first the guy just waited, but then he started to think that the bird might be hurt.

After a couple of minutes of silence, he became so worried that he opened the freezer door. The bird calmly climbed on the man's out-stretched arm and said, "Awfully sorry about all the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."

The man was astounded. He couldn't understand the transformation that had come over the parrot.

Then the parrot said, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"

 

[lornix]

:rofl::rofl::rofl: Good one!

 

[lornix]

What's 50 feet long and smells like pee?






































A line dance at the senior's center

 

[littleblackxj]

Amy's boyfriend.
eep:

 

[TimGixxerman]

The funny thing is this bird cusses like that.

 

[muddeprived]

Post your favorites here.

There was this quiet, conservative man who happened to own a parrot. Unfortunately for the man, this parrot swore like a sailor. He would swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. This bird's foul mouth was driving the man crazy. One day, it just got to be too much.

The guy grabbed the bird by the neck, shook him really hard, and yelled "QUIT IT!" But this just made the bird mad and he would start swearing even more.

The guy finally got fed up and said, "OK for you" and locked the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This only aggravated the parrot who contined to claw and scratch the cabinet while he cursed even louder than before with a stream of swearing that would make a sailor blush.

At that point the guy became so mad that he threw the parrot into the freezer!

For the first few seconds the bird started swearing at words at the top of his lungs

He kicked and clawed and thrashed all about the place. Then it suddenly became VERY quiet. At first the guy just waited, but then he started to think that the bird might be hurt.

After a couple of minutes of silence, he became so worried that he opened the freezer door. The bird calmly climbed on the man's out-stretched arm and said, "Awfully sorry about all the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."

The man was astounded. He couldn't understand the transformation that had come over the parrot.

Then the parrot said, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"

:rofl::rofl:

 

[muddeprived]

Amy's boyfriend.
eep:

UH OH.....:mod::mod::mod::mod::mod:

 

[Amy]

Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal,
Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's
roommate, Stephanie, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a
relationship between Brian and Stephanie, and this had only made her
more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two
react, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and
Stephanie than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian
volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you
Stephanie and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Stephanie came to Brian saying, "Ever since your
mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver
gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Brian said, "Well,
I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure.

So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mom:
I'm not saying that you "did" take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm
not saying that you "did not" take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains
that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Brian

Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:

Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Stephanie, I'm not saying that
you "do not" sleep with Stephanie. But the fact remains that if
Stephanie is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy
ladle by now.
Love, Mom

 

[JeepGodXJ]

^^^^ohh! Good one!

 

[TimGixxerman]

:rofl::rofl::rofl: That's funny

 

[elnino]

hahahaha....:rofl:

 

[drakan1908]

I hope my wife doesn't find out about me and Stephanie...................:rofl::rofl::rofl:

 

[JeepGodXJ]

I hope my wife doesn't find out about me and Stephanie...................:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Just make sure that if anything comes up missing, DON'T ask your wife where it is....:rofl:

 

[ZackXJ]

Two guys bought 2 pigs. They got them to the house and in the cage. One says wait how are we going to tell our pigs apart? the other says il cut my pigs left ear off. the next morning both pigs were missing a left ear(the pig had ate the other pigs ear off) so the guy said ok il cut my pigs right ear off. the same thing happened. so the guy said ok il cut my pigs tail off. same thing happened. So they had 2 pigs with no ears or tails. And the other guy says Wait I have an idea! other guy says what? other guy says Il take the white one and you take the black one!

 

[BlueXJ]

A woman was staring into the mirror one evening when she says to her husband "I wish my breasts were bigger."The husband replies by saying, "Here. Take a few sheets of toilet paper each day and rub them between your breasts and they should grow." The wife, though hesitant, takes his advice and for the next few weeks rubs a few sheets of toilet paper between her breasts every day several times a day. After a few months of this routine, she has not seen results and asks her husband "Why did you think rubbing toilet paper between my breasts would make them bigger?"He replies, "Well, why wouldn't it? It worked with your ass."

 

[WJCraig]

Thought I'd revive an old thread...

Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender.
The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man,
"What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "168."
The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.
The guy leaves, but he is curious...
So he goes back into the bar.
The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says,
"What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "100."
The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.
The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time.
He goes back into the bar.
The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini.
The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "Uh, about 60."
The robot leans in real close and says,
So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?"

 

[stamp]

lol^^^^

 

[Lyon]

A horse walks in to a bar and the bartender asks.."Why the long face?"

 

[stamp]

a blonde walks into a BAR

 

[mcatald]

Lol...:longface: